Ok, I know been quite some time since my last post, tut,tut, but here now. Lots happened too since last time kids have had Summer hols come and go if ya can call it a Summer, pfft! My eldest daughter has also started high school now too. I was soo worried for her on her first day she has to catch a bus and all that goes through me mind is hope she's ok. Luckily she is and loves it!
As for me had some good days and some real down on myself days. Just wish i knew where to start to sort me self out! Been looking at volunteering jobs lately but just don't know what would suit a quiet, very shy anxious ridden weird person like me...lol....I do work part time but hate it really i know i am worth so much more than just a cleaner and that i can do more it's just the whole what can i do??? kinda question. Interview scare the pants off me and the whole thing of em seeing me as a cleaner since school is enough to put anyone off! Feel like i'm trapped with no way forwards,. I need a chance to go forwards but with this major anxiety of meeting people etc my feet feel glued to the floor.
Recently though tried my hand at drawing again cos i haven't done it for well over 10 yrs and thought i put me stuff on an artist website... http://www.artistportfolio.net/index.php?secret=140&artist_id=12441 yeah ok nothing special but i like doing them, kinda helps me to focus on something other than what a total failure i am.
My Work
Our cat aka Boobie!
tired!
My doggy
Toffee doing her tongue exercises!
Blog Archive
About Me
- my-inspirations
- Mum to 3 kids and no social life whatsoever due to Social Anxiety and blushing which has made me suffer with depression too! All this means i have no friends but would love to have at least one, oneday...lol No one gets the chance to know the real me other than online.....thank you internet!
4 comments:
Hi Pauline-
I am very glad to read another blog from you.
Now let's look at some positives here. Firstly, you have received many kind acknowledgments on your previous posts. We have demonstrated to you that the Mind Bloggling community is about empathy and positive interaction. Pauline, we all challenge our mental health distress and the unfair stigma attached to it.
Your daughter is loving High School. I know that will give you encouragement about her future. That is a most positive focus.
You are contemplating volunteering jobs. They can be a very positive resource in your pursuit of a better life.
I am involved in a volunteering capacity as a Coordinator for 'Changes'. I am doing some volunteer work for Mind Bloggling. This gives me empowerment. This gives me the chance to challenge my 'duvet or doorway' dilemma. To challenge social anxiety is to challenge our negative self.
You are only as "trapped" as you make yourself. Please take solace that you are not alone. I empathise with you. My blogs and others are testimony that what you 'feel' is shared by many within this empathetic community.
Develop your talents in drawing. To mention that you wish to pursue this therapeutic outlet after a 10 year break, shows that you are on the pathway to a more fulfilling life.
Pauline you are not "weird", you are not "a total Failure". You see, you have the courage to express your concerns. That indicates you are givng yourself permission to be positive.
Thank you for another transparent blog. Warm regards Klahanie (formally known as adanac67)
I agree with klahanie, pauline, you are not as failure. You are a mother raising a child, have artistic ability, and are considering donating your time to help others. You just need to build up your self-confidence a bit.
Hi Pauline,
I was so delighted to see your new post. Great to hear from you. I just wanted to echoe what Klahanie has said too - there are so many positives in your life already and you have all of these rescources at your disposal. It's challeneging to challenge your fears - but boy when you do! What a good feelong. The feeliong taht you're in control. Anxiety is a horrible thing - I know that and can empathise with you to an extent. I know that I have to challenege it and think myself into a state of confidence - someone once said to me - you are what you say you are Em - and I think thats true really. I would really like to meet you Pauline - coz I know the sort of support that you are looking for is here and at places like Changes.
Anyway - your post has made my day - so thanks.
Em.
hya,
good to see your new post, i ad a look at your pix and think they're fab! art is a great thing to focus energy and time on something that has an actual result! Always good!
i don't know if this helps at all, but i think if we look at things in a big way as in ( rest of my life) and join things together like(everything is always ...) then that in itself is an enourmous amount of pressure to put on ourselves! we are all ( just to contradict my last statement) guilty of that at one time or another.
its funny cuz i was talking to someone else about this the other day... so here goes,
if you have a fav food for example steak, then you have to break it up into small bites and chew it to enjoy it. if ya try and fit it all in in 1 go you'd prob b ill and not enjoy it and be put off having it again!
so in the same way i try to think of life and things that i want to do in that way, there's things that i know i would ejoy doin, and would be benifical to me but because i over think them, as in and then this will happen and what if that then happens so attach all kinds of things to them they become a negitive thing when actualy they may not b?!
not sure if i make sense or not!
purkul
x
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