Blimey! Have ya ever had one of them weeks where ya just can't wait for the weekend, well this is one of them. Guess all started around Friday really. after picking kids up from school headed to me mum as normal, only this Friday we saw the aftermath of a murder. All that runs through my mind is the poor man's family, what is this world comming too! Also worried about it affecting my kids seeing what they did....not nice.
Saturday was my eldest daughters dance show at the Victoria Hall. The thing that got me all a flustered was that when i picked her up for a break i saw my old school friend, but me being the way i am (SA and the whole blushing thing) tried to pretend i didn't see her, yeah sad i know but i can't handle these things! Not that it worked cos she noticed me and came over...queue jibbering nervous wreck me. God I hate myself sooo much for reacting the way i do, felt my whole face glow and me hands and legs were shaking so much i thought i was going to collapse ...lol. Bet she thought i've turned into a right weirdo. The show went fantastic and i was so proud of my daughter!
This week so far i've had to face a chat with a teacher about my youngest daughters progress on my own, another thing i hate doing.
Today i have to go up school for the prize giving ceremony for the infants and tomorrow for the juniors......ARGH!
Thing about these sort of things is i feel i stick out like a big sore thumb, ya know the sad mum sat alone at the end of an isle of seats, everyone else havin' a good ole laugh and me sitting there twiddling with me phone just to try and look sorta busy and relaxed.
Why am i like this??? Why can't i be a 'normal' mum. I feel like such a let down to my kids at times and i love them more than life its self.
Damn SA....Grrrr!!!
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About Me
- my-inspirations
- Mum to 3 kids and no social life whatsoever due to Social Anxiety and blushing which has made me suffer with depression too! All this means i have no friends but would love to have at least one, oneday...lol No one gets the chance to know the real me other than online.....thank you internet!
6 comments:
You're a Mum and you sound like a good caring mum who adores her kids and faces difficult situation for her children. Don't be so hard on yourself Pauline. You're doing what you can to challenge this and I for one admire you for it. Keep on, keeping on. Thanks for contributing to this community, it really makes a HUGE difference.
You're a Mum and you sound like a good caring mum who adores her kids and faces difficult situation for her children. Don't be so hard on yourself Pauline. You're doing what you can to challenge this and I for one admire you for it. Keep on, keeping on. Thanks for contributing to this community, it really makes a HUGE difference.
From emma - apologies Pauline, I was signed in as the wrong person.
Hi Pauline-
First of all I would like to congratulate you on your transparency.
You have made a massive, positive step forward by having the courage to challenge your anxiety.
You are confronting your anxiety by questioning what you are experiencing. You can now seize this opportunity to not allow your 'Social Anxiety' to overwhelm you.
Your social anxiety, which you could call 'symptoms', caused by confidence isssues, can be addressed.
It's all about perceptions. You are letting negative speculation about how others perceive you dictate your 'feelings'.
Now you can reach out and embrace empowerment. We are all here for you Pauline. You will get sincere empathy on the 'mindbloggling' and the 'Changes' website.
You are not a "let down" to your kids. For you love them and that is priceless.
Pauline, I too, suffer from what I call 'social phobia.' I was a recluse for many years because I didn't want to 'impose' myself on society. You see, I let a negative environment tell me that I was useless. I now realise that I got it wrong.
Stand tall and proud Pauline, you are precious, please believe this. Help each other, we help ourselves. Warm wishes adanac67.
Hi Pauline,
Please try to believe that how you percieve yourself is NOT how others percieve you!
These are issues of self-esteem and self-worth,(NOT THE TRUTH!)
Be as gentle with yourself as you are with others,(be your own best friend)
If you would like to go to a CHANGES meeting I would be very happy to go along with you....just let me know.
A very kind person that I have come to know through'MINDBLOGGLING'
came along with me to my first meeting. (Now I can pay it forward!) Something to think about....D x
hya pauline,
i'm sorry but for some reason i've managed to miss your blog untill now & may i say what a blog it is!!! & emma managed to comment on your post as me which confused
but well can i first say welcome to the Mind Bloggling project!
i think your posts are so honest and open.
i've never heard of social anxiety before but i can't imagine how difficult it must be.
i'm sure that there will be many people who share similar experiences to you and will find your posts extremely comforting!
i'll look forward to reading your next post
purkul
x
Someone once told me that I was diffrent from the other Moms on the playground. I took offence at first, but he meant it as a compliment. I don't have conversations about washing powder or celebs, I don't get involved in the bitching that can go on (honestly, some of the mothers are worse than the kids) and I don't go to pick my son up in 4 inch heels, layers of make-up and a mini skirt. Come on, you must have seen some like that. There's one that goes to pick her kids up from our school who looks like she's just got off her back! (okay that was bitchy, but it's true)
The perfect mother doesn't exist. You do the best you can for your kids, and love them. That matters more than being on the PTA.
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